Dr. Mr. Liberal Christian WASP's School Sex Ed Curriculum

As my long-time readers know, one of my passions is sex education.  In fact, this fall, I intend to begin work on my doctoral degree in sex education and eventually I’d like to end up teaching in a collegiate environment.  I’d also like to teach young people about sex, but I don’t think that is going to be possible, at least not in a classroom environment.  You’ll see why over the course of this post.  

On this blog, and in many other places, I’ve invested a huge number of hours arguing in favor of a more robust sex education program for everyone, but especially for young people.  I am a firm believer in the fact that the things young people learn about sex in their developmental years (childhood through adolescence) will set the stage for how they view sex throughout the balance of their lives.  If we don’t teach a healthy understanding and respect for sex and sexuality in their formative years, they’re much more likely to experience problems with sex and, consequently, their interpersonal lives as they grow through adulthood.

Conversely, a rich comprehension of sexuality will lead to much better interactions with future partners, thereby fomenting more solid relationships in the long run.  This would, in my view, likely lead to less personal angst and depression, less domestic violence, lower divorce rates, etc., and would have several other positive side effects upon the human condition.

Sex education as it is currently practiced in this country is, in a word, execrable.  America’s prudish approach to the entire subject of sex prevents schools from teaching just about anything but the most hard-coded scientific information about concepts associated with sex.  I’m not going to delve into the asinine “abstinence only” movement and how much damage they’ve done to our society with the clueless “Just say no” shit.  That’s been discussed ad infinitum here and in other places.  I continue to be amazed at the lack of intestinal fortitude of our nation’s politicians when it comes to removing funding for this fucked up garbage.  Thank goodness many states have elected to forgo the use of the federal funds that support that shit.

I personally advocate for what is commonly referred to as “comprehensive” sex education – that which teaches the use of contraceptives, includes affirmative information on alternative sexual orientations and gender expression, and recognizes that the overwhelming majority of people aren’t going wait until they get married to have sex.

atching pornography to find out about how sex works is like watching a James Bond movie to find out how spies do their job.”

But even the “comprehensive” sex education programs in this country, as they are currently structured, aren’t trulycomprehensive.  They just happen to not advocate that “Just say no” is the only way to go.  So calling non-abstinence only sex ed programs “comprehensive” is a bit of a misnomer in my opinion.  A truly comprehensive program would teach people what they need to know about how to have sex correctly in addition to the basic facts of condom use, what STIs are and how to prevent them, why it’s not a good idea to get pregnant as a teenager, and so forth. “Watching pornography to find out about how sex works is like watching a James Bond movie to find out how spies do their job.”

Now I’ll admit that’s a pretty radical concept in the eyes of a lot of folks.  Most people – most parents- are not going to be in favor of schools teaching their children how to masturbate, how to give head, how to fuck, how to have butt sex safely, and so forth.  But that’s exactly what we need.  Teaching people how to have sex correctly would go a long way towards empowering them to lead healthy sexual lives, and would have, I’d argue, the added benefit of preserving some relationships, both in adolescence and in those entered into in the future.  The middle and late teens is when the vast majority of people in this country begin being sexually active, so that’s the time to reach them!  We don’t let teenagers drive for a few years, then teach them the correct way to do it or allow them to figure it out on their own.  Why should we do that with sex, something that could be just as dangerous and deadly?

I know many people will argue that “learning how to do X is half the fun” of exploring relationships and sex and all of that.  Well, I’ve lost count of the number of times guys have told me their wives/girlfriends just have no clue how to give head, or women who’ve said their husbands/boyfriends just have no clue how to get me off, etc.  Some people do learn, yes.  The majority, I assert, do not.  At least, not to the point where their partner’s are sufficiently happy with the results.  Relying on the possibility that someone might accidentally happen across the information and/or skill set to perform adroitly is not an appropriate approach to something so critical to personal happiness.

With that in mind, I thought I’d articulate my vision of what primary and secondary sex education would look like if I got to design it and didn’t have to worry about the fucking politicians and school board lackies tossing parts of it out because of the whining of a handful of prudish or anti-sex parents.

I’d start out with a foundation built upon a couple of currently used sex education curricula.  I happen to have a personal affinity for a combination of two programs, the FLASH (Family Life and Sexual Health) curriculum used by the King County School Board (Seattle, Washington), and the Our Whole Lives (OWL) program used by the Unitarian Church.  I am terribly impressed with the fact that there’s a church out there with a decent, legitimate sex education program (that includes all phases of life, by the way, not just material targeted at  children and adolescents).  Unlike the Baptists and many other religions that almost adamantly refuse to discuss the subject of sex, even within the context of a married couple in some instances, the Unitarians recognize the important, central role sexuality plays in human life and have developed a very good education program.

I’d take those two programs and accentuate them with some additional material because, even with as good as they are, they still don’t cover the mechanics of sex, masturbation techniques, the appropriate use of pornography, etc.  My sex education program would do just that.

So, with that as background, here’s what my sex education program for school age children would look like.

First, some ground rules:

• Parents would NOT be allowed to opt their children out of any of the classes, but individual children could elect to opt out on their own for specific classes or topics if they had a legitimate reason (a child who’d been raped, for example, might wish to opt out of classes covering that subject).
• There’d be provisions for anonymous question asking in all classes.
• Everyone would have to treat everyone else with respect- no making fun of anyone, no put downs, etc.
• Classes would be “free speech” zones where they use of slang and non-medical terminology would be allowed to the extent possible.  This would be done to allow students to discuss the subject matter in language comfortable to them.
• There’d be counselors available to talk with the children in private if they so chose.  The counselors would not work at the school so the students could remain anonymous.
• Likewise, there’d be a medical professional available to discuss sexual health matters with students confidentially.  This individual would be able to prescribe/distribute contraception upon request without parental consent (in the vast majority of states, this is already done for those 12 and older under the requirements of Title X, by the way, so don’t freak out!)
• Each semester, the classes would be preceded by a discussion regarding the fact that these classes do not teach morality, ideological or religious points of view on sexuality, except within the context of historical discussions.  Those topics are for discussion at home and within your church.  Regardless of your views on whether sex at any given point in time or of any particular typology is “moral” or “right,” you still need to know the philosophy, mechanics, and factual information related to sex and reproduction for the future to allow you to interact with potential partners and society at large.  We teach facts; you learn values from your parents and church and decide for yourself how you wish to apply them.
• Discussion of sexuality with parents, doctors, and trusted counselors is to be encouraged.
• The school would have a gay-straight alliance, and diversity/anti-homophobia/anti-bullying training would be required of all students independent of sex education classes.
• Classes would be taught by young people – trained people who are close in age to those in the classes, and not by regular teachers in the school (unless they volunteered to do so and were qualified).
• Even though courses cover topics such as porn and mechanics of sex acts, they will be structured to avoid violating state/federal laws on exposing children to porn.

Given those ground rules, here’s what the curriculum would include for each grade level:

Grades K-3

• Good Touch/Bad Touch
• Sexual abuse – recognizing & reporting
• Families & Family Configurations
• Basic anatomical & reproductive terminology
• Puberty – discussion of changes that will be taking place in the child’s body and interpersonal relationships over the next few years.
• Basic sexual health concepts

Grades 4-6

• Family Construction, incl marriage (incl same sex marriage)
• Self Esteem
• Decision-making skills
• Relationship Development
• Attraction (incl same sex)
• Puberty
• Masturbation, Basic Concepts
• Basic Concepts of Gender, Biological Sex, etc.
• Sexual Abuse/Exploitation – R&R
• Basic Reproductive & Sexual Health
• Pregnancy & Basic Contraception
• Sex & Sexuality Terms
• Computer & online safety

Grades 7-8

• Puberty
• Sexual Health & Hygiene
• STIs & prevention/treatment measures
• Gender, Gender Roles/Expression
• Reproductive System – A&P
• Pregnancy & Teen Parenthood
• Pregnancy Alternatives (Surrogacy, Adoption, Abortion, etc.)
• Contraception, including training on the use of condoms, dams, etc.
• Self Esteem
• The Sexual Response Cycle
• The Sexual Activity Continuum
• Communication & Negotiation
• The decision to become sexually active
• Consent vs. non-consent
• Abstinence
• Basic mechanics of sex
• Masturbation, incl discussion of basic techniques
• Television & media presentation of sexuality & gender roles
• Pornography
• Computer and online safety
• Sexual bullying and “slut shaming” & prevention
• Rape & Sexual Assault/Prevention
• Your sexual rights

Grades 9-10
In addition to a review of the concepts introduced in Grades 7-8

• Sexual relationship constructs (monogamy, FWBs, open relationships, etc.)
• Alternative sexualities & sexual expression
• Sexual ethics
• Parenting
• Role of Foreplay
• Sexual exploration and basic techniques (manual stimulation, oral sex, PIV, PIA, etc.)
• Sex Esteem
• Owning your sexuality
• The physics of sex
• Sexual dysfunction
• Domestic & Relationship Violence/Prevention
• Rape & Sexual Assault/Prevention
• Understanding the influence of alcohol & drugs on decision-making and sex
• Breaking up; dealing with damaging or destructive relationships
• Communication & Negotiating Skills Lab I

Grades 11-12
In addition to a review of the relevant concepts introduced in Grades 7-10

• Developing your own personal sexual philosophy & values
• Advanced techniques, including selection and use of sex toys, G-spot/A-spot, female ejaculation, Kegel Exercises (w/ a lab!)
• Sex work – Stripping, Porn, Prostitution, Etc.
• Sexual Exploitation – Human Trafficking, Sexual Slavery, Etc.
• Owning your sexuality
• Sexual Activism
• Domestic & Relationship Violence/Prevention
• Communication & Negotiation Skills Lab II
• Your sexual rights; Sexual ethics
• History of Human Sexuality
• Tantric Sex, Kama Sutra & other manuals
• Lifelong sexuality
• Resources for Additional Learning
• Research paper or presentation

I didn’t flesh out any specific topic in the lists above, largely to avoid having this post go on forever.  I think most of the topics are fairly self-explanatory, and you may assume that I mean them to be as broadly-based and inclusive of as much subject matter as possible, consistent with the age group.

If you want me to explain what I’d like covered under any specific topic, feel free to ask.  I’ll be happy to expand on anything up there, to include explaining why I believe something is appropriate for a specific age group.  It is quite possible that I may have forgotten a particular subject as well, so if you can think of something that I didn’t list (that can’t be included within the construct of one of the listed topics), by all means, point that out as well.

Let me state that I’m not arguing necessarily that this is the way it should be (though I’d feel perfectly competent in doing exactly that), just that this is the way I would configure it if I were allowed to do so absent any constraints.  So I’m not going to argue with anyone who doesn’t believe that we should be teaching mechanics of sex to 16 year olds (the overwhelming majority of whom have seen more than enough porn to understand that Tab A goes into Slot B).

You should grasp that point, however.  Very few children have not seen porn by the time they reach their mid teens.  And you’ve watched enough porn to know that, if you see anal sex in the video, there’s little visible preparation other than sticking the cock in someone’s ass and pounding away (almost invariably followed by an ATM scene).  Would you rather have your child believe that’s the way you do it, possibly hurting or injuring themselves or their partner, or would you prefer to have someone instruct them on the appropriate way to prepare for anal sex?  As one person once said, “Watching pornography to find out about how sex works is like watching a James Bond movie to find out how spies do their job.”  If you think it’s not appropriate for that to be taught to older teenagers, explain to me why you believe it’s perfectly acceptable to allow them to learn it from watching porn.

As I indicated in the ground rules, I would not allow parents to opt their children out of any part of a sex education curriculum.  I don’t believe in keeping kids in the dark about sex, and that’s what the vast majority of parents who opt their children out of such classes are intent on doing.  You should be having discussions with your child about sex – absolutely, and if you believe the school or the teacher are injecting opinion or other non-factual information into the education, it’s your job to talk to your child and impart your values on top of what the child has learned at school.  The school teaches facts; you teach values.  Sex is not an inappropriate topic for children or teenagers.  Period.

Finally, I will also argue against parents who insist that they can “teach this better at home” than the school can.  Perhaps you can, but you’d be in the very small minority of those who A) actually would and B) who know the correct terminology, anatomy, physiology, psychology, and sociology to teach much of what should be covered in even a basic sex education curriculum (very few parents know all of the STIs, their signs and symptoms, prevention methods, treatment and prognosis parameters, etc., for example).  Just telling a child that some people have two mommies and that’s fine, for example, is not “teaching” them.  They need to know why some families are constructed like that, how they’re treated by society, why it isn’t appropriate to make fun of another child who lives in such a family and so forth.  Many parents who opted to teach their children at home do so for ideological reasons and would likely teach the diametric opposite of that.  So, yes, I do indeed believe that school is an appropriate place to teach anything having to do with sex, short of morality and value systems.  And note that withholding information about sex from someone is not a “value.”

Anyway, those are my thoughts and ideas on this subject.  I welcome your input and comments on this as well.  If you’re a parent or planning to be a parent, what would you think of having this curriculum in your child’s school?